North Carolina

This photo just about sums up our vacation in North Carolina with my family, from June 13 to June 20. We had a great time!

After the disappointing job news from the previous week, I was in need of a vacation! Jason and I had not taken a week off together since we went on a cruise with his family in March of last year. And, it was Ben's first vacation. Of course, like his mom, he loves the beach. Well... at least he liked napping at the beach. He wasn't so much a fan of the sand and the crashing waves. Every time I tried to stick his feet in the ocean he cried. But, we did find out that he loves swimming in the pool. And what's cuter than a 6-month-old in swim trunks?

I am so thankful to my parents for providing us the opportunity to take such a wonderful vacation. We could not have done it with our own means. It was also great to spend some family time together, especially since my brother has officially moved to Colorado. I know Ben is going to miss having his Uncle Matt around. Well, I guess we'll just have to go out there for a visit :)

You can check out more photos from our trip here. I'm missing the beach already!

A Confession

"Bitterness is a habit that can seriously hinder our spiritual journey. When life becomes difficult, when it doesn't seem as if God is providing for our needs, when we're not getting what we want when we want it, we have a decision to make. We can hold onto our faith and trust that God has an answer in mind, or we can gripe and moan and complain and let our souls become embittered. Expecting an oasis, but finding a bitter stream? Don't lose sight of the grace of God." (Penelope J. Stokes, Beside A Quiet Stream)

Confession:

I've been wading in the bitter stream. I found out yesterday that I did not get a school counseling job that I really wanted and thought I should have got. I had all these plans of what would happen after I got the job. We could move out of our little apartment we've been trapped in for three years, look for a house, Jason could explore other career options, etc. In a nutshell, we could move on with our lives! But, wait. Not so fast, Jen. Your plans are on hold.

Not only was a disappointed about not getting the job, but I felt personally rejected because I had worked as an intern for the school for the past year. Now I am questioning myself and my abilities. Do I even have what it takes to be a counselor? How do others really perceive me? Am I capable? Will I ever make it to where I want to be? I feel like a failure.

On top of that, I'm also guilty of coveting what others have. Terrible, I know. I look at most of my friends my age, employed at a job of their choice, living comfortably on two nice incomes, buying homes, and enjoying the freedom that comes with financial security. Meanwhile, I feel trapped by a lack of resources. Jason always reminds me how blessed we are compared to the majority of the people in this world, and I know it's true. I have no right to complain. All of our needs are provided for and we are blessed with family who help provide us with even more. But I still get sucked into the "poor me" mentality, wishing we could afford more and do more. It's a terrible, awful flaw of mine - this obsession with wanting more - one that I need to change. I know that life is not about the things we have, and I don't want Ben to be taught that way. Still, it is something that I am struggling with.

I'm hoping I'll read this post in the future and think to myself, "Why did you ever doubt? Oh you of little faith. Didn't you know that the Lord would provide?"

But first, I'm going to get out of this bitter stream and search for an oasis in the grace of God, which I desperately need.

If you don't have Facebook

For those family and friends who read this blog and do not have Facebook, either:

1. Get a facebook account and add me as a friend! OR

2. Go to this link to see the pictures of Ben I posted from last month: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2025510&id=178200865&l=9e0e1a9b11

Happy Birthday Daddy!

For Jason's birthday on Monday, I had Ben dressed in a home-made "I love Daddy" onesie when Jason came home from work. But, I think Ben gave Jason the best gift of all - baby laughter!

So advanced

From the beginning, Jason and I have liked to think that Ben is advanced for his age. Really, what doting parent doesn't? We took him to the doctor today for his four month check-up, and as I laid him on the examination table he was squirming around and rolling from side to side. The doctor looked over and said, "Wow, he's pretty advanced. I think you're going to have an early crawler and walker. You'd better watch out!" She also stated that the control he has over his movements is more like a six-month-old than a four-month-old. So, it's not just my rose-colored mommy vision - Ben really is advanced! Or so I'll keep telling myself.

He's also on the large side for his age, but not off the charts. He is now 26" long and weighs 16 lbs. 4 oz., which is about the 75th percentile.

Other developments over the last month: he is reaching for everything and trying to put it in his mouth, he can roll over both front to back and back to front, he smiles and laughs a lot, he is crying less, and can play by himself. Sleep on the other hand is still not under control. Most nights he wakes up every 4 hours or so. There have been a precious few nights he has slept for 7-8 hours in a row. I'm hoping to work on getting him to sleep through the night this month. Actually, I NEED to... for my own sanity.

Here are some recent photos:

Get those toys!

Who? Me?

I'll be crawling sooner than you think!

Oh, my baby boy. Where is the time going?

From a couple weeks ago

Me and my baby

It's true - he is!

The Robb great-grandchildren. At least Ben will have close second cousins.

Ben rolls over

Jason and I were so excited when Ben rolled over for the first time last week. After he did it once, he just kept rolling and rolling. We were proud parents. Many more milestones to come!

Ben smiling

3 months old

My baby is already three months old. Unbelievable. He is becoming so much more alert and is very interested in the world around him. He loves to play on his play mat and in his bouncy seat. He also loves to smile! He has such a heart-warming little smile.

In other news.... I am now five weeks from being done with my internship and less than two months away from graduating with my Master's. It has been almost a three-year journey to get to this point, and I am so ready to be done and move on to the next phase. I'm not yet sure if that will be full-time employment, part-time work, or just staying home with Ben, but no matter what I do, it will be so nice not to have to worry about school for a while. Did I just say "for a while?" What am I thinking? Perhaps a doctorate is in my future? We shall see...

Anyway, here are some more photos of Ben from the past week. He is such a cutie, and photogenic like his mom :)

Great-Grandparents

March 15, 2009

Last weekend Jason and I took Ben on his first trip to Ohio. Ben met my Nana and Papa, his great-grandparents, for the first time. My aunt Carol was also there visiting from Montana and my brother came down too. My Nana was so excited to see him and was always asking to hold him. The photos of him sleeping in her arms bring tears to my eyes. It was so sweet to see those two together.



However, Ben was not so sweet when we were trying to get pictures with Nana and Papa after church. He was screaming, and Nana was telling him to "Shush" in the only picture we have. Oh, well.


We are so blessed to still have so many of our grandparents around. All four of Jason's biological grandparents have met Ben. I hope that Ben has the opportunity to know each of them. My paternal grandmother, Margaret Walter, passed away seven years ago today. I will never forget the day, the "Ides of March," when she went to be with the Lord after a short battle with bone cancer. Grandma Walter was one of the greatest spiritual influences in my life. I am so glad that Ben has grandmas that will be the same to him.

Here are photos of Ben with the Robb and Decker great-grandparents.

Grandma Decker

Grandpa Decker

Grandma Robb

Grandpa Robb

My Grandpa Walter and "Grandma" Linda are the only two great-grandparents Ben has yet to meet. They spend the winter in Lakeland, Florida, but will be coming back at the end of April. Ben should get to meet them in May.

Family is very important to both Jason and me. We love our grandparents and wish we were able to see them more often. Ben is a lucky little boy to have 8 wonderful great-grandparents who love the Lord and have passed on that legacy to their families. We are eternally grateful.

2 Months

My baby boy is 2 months old today. Some of the things that ran through my mind...

• Being a mom has taken me to new levels of love, fear, appreciation and exhaustion.


• Watching Jason with Ben has been amazing. I always knew he would make a great father, and I am thankful every day for the dad and husband he is.


• I have had to redefine my definition of accomplishment. There are many days when the dishes don't get done, dinner comes from the freezer and my schoolwork falls by the wayside. But, I know that I have accomplished the most important task - meeting all of Ben's needs and showing him that he is loved.


• I will never take sleep for granted again. After eight weeks of waking up every 2-3 hours, the last two nights Ben slept for a stretch of 5 hours straight. Hallelujah! I feel refreshed, at least for today.


• I wish our parents lived closer
• Is it wrong of me to want to make out with Ben's face? It's just so scrumptious!

Happy 2 month birthday, Benny. Mommy loves you!

Look at me!

I think I might have the cutest baby ever. I have taken thousands of pictures of him in the last two months. This Saturday he will be 8 weeks old. I can't believe it!

Next week I have to start working on my internship hours again. First of all, I don't know how I'm going to get up at 6:30 am, and second, I don't know how I'm going to leave him for 20 hours a week. He's just so precious!

Developmentally, Ben has been a lot more interested in the things around him lately. He has started smiling socially more andmore. He also loves watching anything colorful that moves. Of course, mommy and daddy's faces are his absolute favorite to watch, but he loves his toys too! Here's a video I took a week or so ago showing his amazing cuteness and talent!

25 Facts

There's a survey going around Facebook where you are supposed to list 25 random facts about yourself. Since my blog is linked to my facebook, I figured why not kill two birds with one stone and post it here first. Every time I see one of these posts, it is reminiscent of those "survey" forwards I used to fill out in high school. I actually just looked at my email and I still have several that were forwarded to me years ago. It's pretty funny see what people said about themselves back then (Liz, if you are reading this, I have one from you from November 18, 2000. Do you recall your "fave day of the year?"). I'm sure one day I'll look back at this list and laugh at the ridiculousness of some of my responses, but here I go!

Also, let me say, I am only doing this #1- because Ben is sleeping, and #2- it's 3:00 in the afternoon, I don't work, and nothing good is on TV for another hour.

So, here are 25 random (aka carefully thought out) facts about me:

1. I'm ready for winter to end. Not a fan of the cold.
2. Being a mom is more challenging than I ever thought.
3. I love my son more than I ever could have imagined.
4. Whenever I grocery shop at Meijer, I immediately look at the "you saved" line at the top of the receipt. I make it my goal to save at least 30% from my total bill.
5. Sylvester Stallone once put his arm around me.
6. I can't wait until the day I own my own washer and dryer.
7. I still don't get why people in Michigan say "beach" when referring to lakes. To me, the only true beach is next to the ocean!
8. Speaking of which, I love the beach and everything about it.
9. Now that I'm thinking about the beach, I'm itching to go on a vacation!
10. I've been driving the same car since high school (oh, my little Kia Sephia...)
11. I'm picky about my ice cream - none of that cheap stuff - give me Breyers!
12. I think I have a relatively high pain tolerance.
13. I'd rather watch the movie than read the book.
14. After giving birth, my nails suddenly became strong and long. I love it!
15. Also, a week after giving birth, I weighed 10 lbs. less than I did before I was pregnant (thank you, gall bladder).
16. I can't wait to finish my master's in May.
17. My husband really is my best friend.
18. I have been known to make brownie batter just to eat, not bake.
19. I do love to bake, but don't particularly care to cook.
20. My eyesight is terrible. Without my contacts I can only see things 6 inches in front of my face clearly. I would love to get laser eye surgery someday.
21. Even if I had money, I would still shop the sale racks.
22. I would love to plan a wedding again.
23. I can't remember the last time I used a credit card. Cash or debit only. Debt free is the way to be!
24. I think NASCAR is ridiculous.
25. I want to be more like Jesus.

Okay, it's now more than an hour after I first started this post. Granted, Ben did wake up, I fed and changed him, and put him back to sleep, but these things take me way too long! I think this is the last facebook forward I succumb to for a while!

Poor baby

Maybe I'm a terrible mother, but I love hearing my baby cry! Sometimes I won't pick him up right away just because I like to watch him. I think it is adorable when he flashes those gums with a wail that makes you think he's been starving and neglected his whole life. Now, before you go reporting me to CPS, know that I do take great care of my baby... I mean, how could I resist that adorable face?

Whirlwind week

The past seven days have been pretty eventful to say the least. Here's the story...


It started off when Jason and I headed to Canada for a baby shower and to visit his family last Saturday. It was Ben's first trip outside of Jackson, and our first trip with the new "reliable" car we bought last month (a 2004 Hyundai Santa Fe). The day was cold and snowy, but we left early to get ahead of the weather and allow plenty of time for travel. We were on the highway rounding Ann Arbor when all of a sudden our car just stopped accellerating. Jason pulled over and tried to get us going again, but it just wouldn't accellerate. We decided to call AAA. Two phone calls, forty minutes on hold, and two hours later our tow truck finally showed up. Let me say, it is not fun being stranded on the side of the highway in a snowstorm with a newborn as semi trucks pass within inches of your vehicle. We were towed to a garage with no mechanic on duty and were left without transportation. We called Jason's uncle to come pick us up, but meanwhile the snow storm was getting much worse. There were so many accidents that he couldn't make it to us. We had to get a taxi ride to a hotel down the street where we spent the night. Our sister-in-law Audrey was able to pick us up the next morning and take us to Jason's parents. The shower was moved from Saturday to Sunday, and luckily most everyone was still able to make it. We ended up spending a nice weekend with Jason's family.




(Turns out, the garage our car was towed to is not too great. They charged me twice what our garage here does just to run the diagnosis on the car. They also lied to me about what other garages charge for the same services. The mechanic was rather rude on the phone as well. I'm sure we were overcharged for all the overall work too. I will be writing a not-so-nice online review.)


In addition to the car trouble, my body has been giving me trouble as well. Since July I have been having problems with my gall bladder, but because I was pregnant they could not do anything. The past couple weeks I have been having more attacks. Last week I had a really bad attack and was sick for three days, barely able to eat, which is not good when you are nursing a baby. So, I called the surgeon. I was scheduled for a consultation on Wednesday and had surgery yesterday to remove it. They did laproscopic surgery, which is an outpatient procedure that involves four small incisions. I am sore today, but feeling okay. My mom is here to help and Jason took off work. The hardest part is that I'm not allowed to pick up Ben for two days. Even when I will be able to pick him up again, I probably won't be able to hold him across my stomach for a while. I already miss cuddling with my baby! He's so precious!

So, this past week has been kind of rough, but I'm hoping the next few weeks will calm down. I have to go back to my internship next month and hope to enjoy my time at home until then. Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Even though we have faced several obstacles in the past days, Jason, Ben and I are extremely fortunate to have wonderful family and friends to support us. Thank you all!

The first 10 days (6 days late)

I originally started writing this post 6 days ago with the intention of finishing it that day. Somehow in the last six days I have not found the time to finish it until now. Okay, I know how I did not find the time... my sweet little boy is a lot of work! So, six days late, here's the scoop.

December 30, 2008: I can't believe it has already been a week and a half since my sweet little baby was born. I'm already looking at him and thinking "Don't grow up so fast!" I wish he could stay a little newborn forever. But, I am also looking forward to all the wonderful phases he will go through in the coming years.

Here are some of the significant events from Ben's first 10 days:

• My parents and brother stayed with us Ben's first week. My mom was especially helpful cooking meals, doing laundry, running errands and helping in any way she could. I was glad to have my family here.
  
• At about 4 days old, Ben had some trouble with nursing. He would not latch on, which was very frustrating for both of us. I was up all night trying to get him to eat. There were several times when we were both in tears. One night I sat up with him, holding him and just crying. I told him how much I loved him and how I wanted him to grow big and strong. For about a day and a half I had to pump and feed him from a bottle to get him to eat. I was really worried. I told Ben all I wanted for Christmas was for him to nurse. That afternoon, he latched on, and he has been doing fine ever since.


• At 4 days old, Ben went to church for the first time for the Christmas Eve service. He slept soundly through the whole thing. It was fun after the service showing him off to people. We got a nice family photo in the sanctuary.




• Ben's first Christmas came when he was only 5 days old. He wore a cute baby's first Christmas onesie that mommy and daddy bought for him (and that they had to wash first thing in the morning because Ben dirtied it during the night). He also got lots of presents, including an ornament from mommy and daddy and a cute outfit and book from grandma and grandpa. We all felt very lucky to have Ben with us - he was the best gift of all.





At one week, Ben's belly button clamp fell off. He has a beautiful "innie" belly button.


At eight days, Ben met his uncles, aunts and grandpa on daddy's side for the first time. Josh and Audrey stayed for a day, and the rest of the family stayed for three days. They all love holding and loving on their new grandson/nephew.




Ben's one week doctor's appointment went very well. He was up to 7 lbs. 15 oz. The doctor gave him a clean bill of health. I am thankful to have such a healthy baby.


Ben had several other visitors within the first 10 days. Uncle John, Aunt Julie, Jessica, Jenna and Grandma Decker came for a short visit. Friends Jenn and Ben Meador also stopped by one day. We visited Uncle Paul, Aunt Cheryl, and cousins Amanda, Josh and Sarah, along with Shaffer relatives at the Johnson's house. Uncle Steve, Aunt Barb, and cousins Bethany, Andrew and Matt came for a short visit as well. Ben is blessed to have so many people to love him.

It seems that the days are just flying by. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. We have no special plans, and I am looking forward to spending time with just our little family - me, Jason and Ben. Although it has been great to have family around, I am glad we will have a few days of just the three of us before Jason has to go back to work on the 5th.

(A more up-to-date update coming soon - hopefully....)

A Family of Three

The story of how Benjamin James Decker came into the world:

On Friday (December 19), I had my regular weekly doctor's appt. The midwife checked my cervix to see if I was starting to dialate, and sure enough I was about 1 centimeter dialted and 40% effaced (which I had to look up on-line when I got home to see what that meant). Basically, my body was getting ready to deliver, but the midwife let me know that I still could be a week or more away. I asked if it might be sooner, and she said it was a possibility, but not too likely. I walked away thinking I had a while left.

Friday after the appointment, Jason and I went Christmas shopping for a few hours. Later that day, Jason went to work and I tried to get some things done at home. That night, I decided to take some photos of my belly, so I had a little photo shoot with myself. Here I am at about 8:00 Friday night:

Six hours later, I was in labor. At 2:00 am on Saturday I woke up with contractions about 10 minutes apart. I wasn't even sure if they were real contractions or not, but as the night went on, they would got closer together and stronger. By about 7:00 am I was pretty sure I was in labor, but thought I had a while left still. Jason was still asleep and had been all night. I took a shower and got ready, then I woke him up at about 7:30 and said I thought I was in labor and we should get ready to go to the hospital. I don't think he was really aware of what was happening. He started the dishwasher and slowly started getting ready - until I got a little impatient and said we needed to go to the hospital NOW! My contractions were quickly getting closer and stronger. At this point, they were about 5 minutes or less apart. But, my doctor had told me that I should labor at home as long as possible and not come in until they were 3-5 minutes apart, so I though I was in good shape still.

On the way to the hospital, which because of the snow was about a half hour drive, my contractions were getting even closer and stronger. We checked into the hospital at about 8:45 am and the nurse checked my cervix. I was about 8-9 centimeters dialated and my cervix was soft and ready to go. The nurse informed me that I was ready to deliver, and, the words I was dreading to hear, it was too late for pain medication. This is the point I started to freak out a little bit. Everything was happening so quickly and I was going to have to do it all without pain relief. Yikes! Jason called our parents and let them know what was happening and they took me into a delivery room to get ready for the main event.

Less than an hour later, I was starting to push. After about 45 minutes of pushing and 20 minutes of the worst pain ever, our baby boy was here! Delivery without meds was the most difficult experience of my life. But when the doctor placed him on my stomach, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. He was perfect.

Jason did such a great job helping me through all of it. He stood by my bed, held my hand, held my legs and feet as I pushed, encouraged me, told me what was happening, and was surprisingly calm. I couldn't have done it without him.

At 10:30 a.m., less than two hours after we arrived a the hospital, Benjamin was born. He weighed 7 lbs. 8 oz. and was 21 1/2 inches long. I think he is pretty perfect.

My recovery is going okay. I never really read the parts of the pregnancy books that talked about what happens to your body after delivery. I am in much worse shape than I anticipated, with lots of soreness from where I had to have stitches, but I am doing okay. I was able to go shopping on Christmas Eve with Jason and also took Ben to the Christmas Eve service at church. My parents and brother have been here the last few days, and my mom has been especially helpful.

Here we are getting ready to go home from the hospital:

And this is the sweet little angel I took home:

Next week!

I am due next week! NEXT WEEK! Granted, the due date is still 12 days away, but it is NEXT WEEK! I feel overwhelmed be everything that has to be done. I'm not much of a list person, but I'm thinking maybe now is the time to start.

Before baby comes I need to:

1. Pack my bag for the hospital
2. Install the car seat
3. Buy Christmas presents for Jason, family, and 3 gift exchanges
4. Wrap Christmas presents
5. Finish up internship hours (15 hours to go until I reach 400!)
6. Buy items still needed for the baby room
7. Finish decorating/putting together the baby room
8. Clean our apartment from top to bottom
9. Research birth plans and pain med options
10. Choose a name for the baby (or at least narrow the list)
11. Spend some time with my husband
12. Relax

I'll let you know how I do...

Maternity Photos!

My friend Sara took some photos of Jason and me on Friday. They turned out great! You can see some of them here on her blog.

Only 3 weeks to go!

I can't believe that my due date is now only 3 weeks away! I went to the doctor yesterday and I am right on track as far as my measurements and the baby's size go. The doctor estimated that the baby is actually already 6 1/2 pounds. I was hoping to deliver a 6-pounder (I was 6 lbs. 13 oz. when I was born) , but it's not looking like that will happen. I still feel like I have a while left before this baby comes. He has not dropped yet and I have had not had braxton-hicks contractions or any other symptoms that he's coming any time soon. With the 27th as my due date, I'm hoping he does not come on Christmas day, but he'd better come before the end of the year. My doctor is on board with helping the process along if I am starting to progress naturally in the next couple of weeks. Looks like I'll be taking some long walks!

This past weekend, I had a baby shower in Ohio. One of the highlights was seeing a great friend, Kortney, who I have not seen since I have been pregnant. She is one of those friends who I could not see or talk with for months, and we pick up right where we left off. It was so good to see her, even though it was only for a couple of hours!

For Thanksgiving last week, we also attended Jason's family's annual get-together. Half of the family is from Ohio, and the other half is from Michigan. They always have a "Michigan vs. Ohio State" football game. After 3 hours of playing in the bitter cold, Michigan was victorious! I didn't care who won, I just wanted to get inside so I could feel my toes again.