Stay tuned

My mom: "Jen, why don't you update your blog. A lot has happened."

Me: "I know, Mom. I'll get to it soon."

One month later....

My mom: "You really need to update your blog."

Me: "Maybe this week."

Two weeks later....

My mom: "Jen, your blog."

Me: "Tomorrow."

Stay tuned to see the surprise ending to this thrilling story.

Swimming

Ben swimming with Aunt Audrey at Maple Grove camp.

North Carolina

This photo just about sums up our vacation in North Carolina with my family, from June 13 to June 20. We had a great time!

After the disappointing job news from the previous week, I was in need of a vacation! Jason and I had not taken a week off together since we went on a cruise with his family in March of last year. And, it was Ben's first vacation. Of course, like his mom, he loves the beach. Well... at least he liked napping at the beach. He wasn't so much a fan of the sand and the crashing waves. Every time I tried to stick his feet in the ocean he cried. But, we did find out that he loves swimming in the pool. And what's cuter than a 6-month-old in swim trunks?

I am so thankful to my parents for providing us the opportunity to take such a wonderful vacation. We could not have done it with our own means. It was also great to spend some family time together, especially since my brother has officially moved to Colorado. I know Ben is going to miss having his Uncle Matt around. Well, I guess we'll just have to go out there for a visit :)

You can check out more photos from our trip here. I'm missing the beach already!

A Confession

"Bitterness is a habit that can seriously hinder our spiritual journey. When life becomes difficult, when it doesn't seem as if God is providing for our needs, when we're not getting what we want when we want it, we have a decision to make. We can hold onto our faith and trust that God has an answer in mind, or we can gripe and moan and complain and let our souls become embittered. Expecting an oasis, but finding a bitter stream? Don't lose sight of the grace of God." (Penelope J. Stokes, Beside A Quiet Stream)

Confession:

I've been wading in the bitter stream. I found out yesterday that I did not get a school counseling job that I really wanted and thought I should have got. I had all these plans of what would happen after I got the job. We could move out of our little apartment we've been trapped in for three years, look for a house, Jason could explore other career options, etc. In a nutshell, we could move on with our lives! But, wait. Not so fast, Jen. Your plans are on hold.

Not only was a disappointed about not getting the job, but I felt personally rejected because I had worked as an intern for the school for the past year. Now I am questioning myself and my abilities. Do I even have what it takes to be a counselor? How do others really perceive me? Am I capable? Will I ever make it to where I want to be? I feel like a failure.

On top of that, I'm also guilty of coveting what others have. Terrible, I know. I look at most of my friends my age, employed at a job of their choice, living comfortably on two nice incomes, buying homes, and enjoying the freedom that comes with financial security. Meanwhile, I feel trapped by a lack of resources. Jason always reminds me how blessed we are compared to the majority of the people in this world, and I know it's true. I have no right to complain. All of our needs are provided for and we are blessed with family who help provide us with even more. But I still get sucked into the "poor me" mentality, wishing we could afford more and do more. It's a terrible, awful flaw of mine - this obsession with wanting more - one that I need to change. I know that life is not about the things we have, and I don't want Ben to be taught that way. Still, it is something that I am struggling with.

I'm hoping I'll read this post in the future and think to myself, "Why did you ever doubt? Oh you of little faith. Didn't you know that the Lord would provide?"

But first, I'm going to get out of this bitter stream and search for an oasis in the grace of God, which I desperately need.

If you don't have Facebook

For those family and friends who read this blog and do not have Facebook, either:

1. Get a facebook account and add me as a friend! OR

2. Go to this link to see the pictures of Ben I posted from last month: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2025510&id=178200865&l=9e0e1a9b11

Happy Birthday Daddy!

For Jason's birthday on Monday, I had Ben dressed in a home-made "I love Daddy" onesie when Jason came home from work. But, I think Ben gave Jason the best gift of all - baby laughter!

So advanced

From the beginning, Jason and I have liked to think that Ben is advanced for his age. Really, what doting parent doesn't? We took him to the doctor today for his four month check-up, and as I laid him on the examination table he was squirming around and rolling from side to side. The doctor looked over and said, "Wow, he's pretty advanced. I think you're going to have an early crawler and walker. You'd better watch out!" She also stated that the control he has over his movements is more like a six-month-old than a four-month-old. So, it's not just my rose-colored mommy vision - Ben really is advanced! Or so I'll keep telling myself.

He's also on the large side for his age, but not off the charts. He is now 26" long and weighs 16 lbs. 4 oz., which is about the 75th percentile.

Other developments over the last month: he is reaching for everything and trying to put it in his mouth, he can roll over both front to back and back to front, he smiles and laughs a lot, he is crying less, and can play by himself. Sleep on the other hand is still not under control. Most nights he wakes up every 4 hours or so. There have been a precious few nights he has slept for 7-8 hours in a row. I'm hoping to work on getting him to sleep through the night this month. Actually, I NEED to... for my own sanity.

Here are some recent photos:

Get those toys!

Who? Me?

I'll be crawling sooner than you think!

Oh, my baby boy. Where is the time going?